Actor vs Artist

It’s important to define the terms Actor versus Artist in the way they will be used throughout this thesis. I think Artist can be defined as many things, a multi-hyphenate, a singer-dancer-choreographer, a director-writer-producer, an actor-composer-puppeteer, someone with distinct, and many labels. Artist can also mean a creative, someone who explores many forms of art, but who floats between all and doesn’t like labels or someone like me who would say they are an actor first and an artist second. Above, when I wrote, “I began graduate school with the goal of improving as an actor, as an artist,” I meant it in such a way of extending my labels, making myself a multi-hyphenate through furthering my education in many disciplines. For the purposes of this reflection, while actor does mean artist as well, to me the terms can go hand in hand or artist can be used as an umbrella term. 

In the past two years as a member of this graduate program, I was given an abundance of information and tools. It was so much that I felt my actor’s process could not fit it all in. When I thought of my process and practice as an actor, I felt jumbled and disorganized. Imagine the actor’s toolbox, but completely stuffed to the brim, unable to close, with different methods hanging out of the top or falling onto the floor. I thought there needed to be or was a single right answer to creating an actor’s process even if the process might vary from individual to individual or from project to project. I believed that most actors had a set process, and it was up to me to find my own right way, my own set process. 

Process vs Practice

For me, it was essential to differentiate between process and practice very early on: practice is the routine/ritual/methodology you take part in prior to coming into the collaborative space like background research, reading the script three times, Stanislavsky’s seven questions, writing down what is said about your character, etc., while process is less definitive, more fluid. In a way, process could be defined as discovering the character through movement work or viewpoints exercises, or also as constant and relentless personal reflection, analysis, and expansion. I then had the question of my research approach: how would I investigate and explore my questions? What’s the best way to see how an actor’s process and practice changes within the framework of this project? I began researching different methodologies to inform my practice and review, and thinking about the different ways I could actively research these questions.

I read Bella Merlin’s Beyond Stanislavsky to better understand the actor’s process through reading about an extension of Stanislavsky training and how it affected the characters Merlin had created, and the work she did going forward. I was able to connect several of the exercises we did (such as guided memory exercises, contact improvisation, and deep investigation of character) to teachings from Merlin’s book. As I began working on practical implementation and reflection, I continued to read and research material from authors such as Phillip Zarilli, Jerri Daboo, and Rebecca Loukes of whom wrote about the psychophysical phenomenon which “marks the dialectical engagement of the actor’s bodymind in the inner and outer processes that constitute specific approaches to acting.” (Zarrilli, 2013, p. 9) This helped me expand my knowledge on creating a fully embodied and holistic practice as an actor.

I had been asked by Amber Medway, a member of the Contemporary Directing Masters Program (CDP) to be a part of her semi-devised Independent Research Project, All The Light That Passes Through. In addition, I was cast in Jonah Fried’s (a member of the International Theatre Practice and Performance MFA) play, a new work titled, On The Nose. After speaking with Mita Pujara, my mentor, we decided that comparative case studies involving these two projects would be a good way to explore all of these questions and reflect on my process in order to better understand and own what works best for me as an actor. I also decided to add a third case study, a one-woman character exploration of The Pillowman with Neha Hemachandra (member of CDP MFA). These case studies would fold into my IRP and would be a direct result of my desire to understand how reflective practice, methodology, and action research come together to help an actor create/embody a character while working in a collaborative process. Now, I would be able to compare and contrast my actor’s process and practice within three distinct pieces: a devised piece, a new work, and an existing published play adaptation. 

At this point in my implementation, my malleable guiding research question was: How does an actor find creative freedom within a director’s process?  

I wanted to begin my project with the intention of being grounded and as wholly available in rehearsal as possible. I began by crafting a pre-rehearsal/morning routine for myself, and reading about the daily rituals of other artists via the book Daily Rituals: How Artists Work, which includes artists from Jane Austen to Louis Armstrong and Stephen King to Twyla Tharp. It’s fascinating to read how other artists, even those not in my discipline, move throughout the world and are most efficient and creative. I also read articles having to do with the benefits of creating habits and routine for yourself, not just as a creative but as a human being. They made me question my current thought process and how to be more open to inviting new and healthier habits into my daily practice. I felt that by incorporating certain lifestyle changes I would be more mentally and physically available to explore, create characters, and build a story within these case studies.

My Daily Routine

7:00 AM: Wake Up, Brush Teeth, Get Dressed

7:15 - 8:00 AM: Cardio and Core Workout

8:00 - 8:45 AM: Shower, Make Tea, Get Dressed, Prep Breakfast

8:45 - 9:30 AM: Eat Breakfast, Pack bag and lunch

9:30 - 10:00 AM: Walk to School

10:00 AM - 4:00 PM: @ Rehearsals

4:00 - 4:45 PM: Walk Home

5:00 - 11:30 PM: Review Rehearsal Notes, Reflect on the day- What did you learn about your character? What are you seeking to discover tomorrow? Memorize Lines, Eat Dinner, Tidy Up, Stretch, Get ready for bed

11:30 PM - 12:00 AM: Read, Check in with friends from home, Go to Bed

12:00 AM - 7:00 AM: Get a good night's rest to tackle the next day

Having this routine allowed me to feel settled into my body and alert in my mind going into rehearsals and coming out of them. I continued this routine faithfully for the entirety of the first case study, All The Light That Passes Through, and into On The Nose, the second case study. For the third case study, I unfortunately got sick and had to stop doing the full routine. Then time constraints and the need to sleep overpowered the need for routine. I did find that following the routine made me feel  more creative in rehearsals. I also felt more energetic and awake when following this daily ritual. In the future, I’m hoping to build upon this and not only do it during rehearsal periods but incorporate it into daily life. I noted in some of my reflections that while going through The Pillowman process, although I was doing extensive emotional, textual, and physical character work, I found myself wishing I were well enough physically to do a full routine in the morning, craving the energy and drive it gave me. The routine allowed me to have clarity in the morning and set my focus and intentions for the day.

While following this routine, I also was trying to do research into other actor’s routines and how their processes change with what they are working on. I read Acting as Psychophysical Phenomenon and Process by Phillip B. Zarrilli, which asked questions that I strove to incorporate into my own character studies and the creation of my process and practice:

• What constitutes the 'work' of the actor and how is that ‘work' structured?

• What is the relationship between ‘body' and 'mind,' 'inner' and outer' in any approach to acting?

• How have culturally/historically specific modes of actor training shaped how actors understand their work, and shaped their experience of acting?

• How might we begin to articulate and understand the complex process and phenomenon of the actor's consciousness? (Zarrilli, 2013, p. 9)

As I did more reading and began to think more about an actor’s process while working in rehearsals, I decided to shift my malleable research question: How does the process of finding/creating a character change within a director’s process?

Interviews 

When I first decided to study an actor’s process and practice of building a character, I immediately thought of the wealth of knowledge I have around me, and wanted to interview other actors I know who have a multitude of processes. I was curious to know how their process and practices changed with what they were working on, and I wanted to know about their reflective practice, and what they continually did even when they weren’t rehearsing. I interviewed a wide variety of artists: people who have received a theatrical MFA, people who have been on Broadway, people who subscribe to a singular school of thought when acting because that’s what works for them, people who are exploring creating an entirely new school of thought regarding theatre, etc. I was interested in discovering other artist’s journeys through theatre and acting, and how their process shapes character development. I learned a great deal about different methods, and how by using these different methods to shape your own practice, you can develop a rich and embodied character. Everyone had individual ways of going about reflective practice. They also mostly ranked reflective practice high on the scale of how important it is to reflect on your work and how much reflective practice has an impact on what you do. I interviewed people of various age groups, and it was not surprising to me that most of the people my age find reflective practice integral to their process as an artist. I knew that with the training we receive, and the current social climate, that my peers find reflective practice as important as I do. I thought the people I interviewed who are older than myself would be less inclined towards reflective practice but they were not; they find it just as constructive, if not more so.

Positionality

I also spoke with each interviewee about positionality and how it plays a role in their character building and the way they enter a collaborative space. Positionality was defined within my interviews as “the social and political context that creates your identity in terms of race, class, gender, sexuality, and ability status.” (Dictionary, 2018) In addition, I offered examples of possible “secondary” social identities, such as being the oldest sibling, being plus size, or being adopted. There was much conversation about how owning your positionality is prevalent in the theatre world right now, and that taking into consideration an actor's positionality in relation to their character can affect the perspective from which a story is told. Some commented on how positionality is a useful tool and will inevitably show up as a connection point somewhere in the timeline of your process; it is about maintaining curiosity and play in order to find something that connects you to your character. I thought about how my positionality of being a queer woman was coming into play in not one, but two of the pieces I was working on. I was very aware that even though we were exploring queerness, we were exploring it through a lens of white privilege because our cast and directors were white. I thought plenty during this process about how my positionality affects the characters I create and embody, and something I want to continue to prioritize in my practice is checking my positionality and being aware of how it affects the collaborative space I’m in, the character I’m portraying, or the story being told. Both All The Light That Passes Through and On The Nose explore staging queer identity in different ways. All The Light also analyzed  intergenerational relationships in families and healing broken bonds, as well as allowed me to explore embodying a lesbian character as a queer woman.

These interviews made me wonder about creating a character, and if there is such a thing as putting too much of yourself into creating a character? It was my goal in these processes, but especially within All The Light, to make the character different from myself. I thought putting too much of myself into the story would inhibit me in some way from being able to “truly act.” These considerations helped me craft the following questions for my peers. 

Interview Questions: 

• How can you best describe your current process (as an actor) going into rehearsals? (pre-rehearsal, during, post)

• How has working with different directors helped/hindered your creative process? 

• When have you felt the most creative freedom while becoming a character?

• Are there any specific methodologies/practices you use quite frequently? Why do you feel they help you? Have you created your own?  

• Which part of the creative process do you find most productive/effective/conducive to allowing you to connect with the character/material? 

• How important is reflective practice within your creative process?

• How often do you think about your positionality during your creative process, and how does it affect the way you approach material/character? 

During these semi-structured interviews, I expanded on things people talked about, went a little “off-script,” while asking questions. So, some respondents were asked to expand on certain topics they mentioned, especially if they went beyond the questions. 

Many times we had conversations that were not at all to do with the questions, subjects such as the Theatrical Industrial Complex (TIC) -a term coined by Nicole Brewer, creator of Conscientious Theatre Training (CTT) and originator of the Anti-Racist Theatre (A.R.T.) Movement- and how the consequences of hyper-capitalism permeates all sectors of the TIC. We spoke of the culture of exhaustion that has been created in our industry by “grind culture.” We discussed the accessibility of theatre and why shows should be recorded. We analyzed the generational differences in methods of reflective analysis and post-mortem rituals. One interviewee coined the term “Gen Z Processing” during an interview. We were discussing the multitude of ways to process the ending of a show, such as reflecting in a journal, and they said their form of processing is from a very “Gen Z” perspective. To them, “Gen Z Processing” is saying goodbye to a show or process through reflecting in the public eye via social media, which opened up an interesting conversation into the influence of social media and its performative aspects on an artist’s process. 

I was offered in one instance many “spells” from Forrest McClendon, an interviewee. He threw me many “spells” which are forms of theatrical “magic” that helped me channel my research questions and thoughts into a focused avenue. Forrest’s spells are acrostic thought paths or lessons relevant to life and the conversation at hand that he comes up with and gives out like a theatrical Dumbledore, letting us in on the wizardry of “magic school.” We spoke about creating a sustainable practice, and how difficult that is in today’s industry and culture of unhealthy work-life balance. Asking ourselves, how are we all moving together to build these oppressive systems, these toxic habits, and what has the impact been? My personal favorite spell offered was the spell of “UM”- Understanding Myself. In articles and books I’ve read regarding habits, artistic rituals, and psychophysical processes, they have all spoken about the importance of knowing yourself as a person. As an artist. Knowing your limits, knowing what you bring into a room, and knowing how to enter the space ready to play in order to find the richest connection to your character and the story. 

In total, I interviewed eight people from diverse backgrounds in terms of age, ethnicity, and class, with vastly different -and also eerily similar in some regards- thoughts on theatre and an actor’s process. By understanding or attentively listening to the processes of many other artists, I feel like I was able to hone and own my process. I discovered tools that worked for me, resulting in new ways of diving into a character. I learned, and subsequently “stole,” many exercise ideas, methods of finding character, and approaches to ensemble work from the people I interviewed. To paraphrase Michael Caine’s book, Acting in Film, the best actors steal from other actors.

Mita, my mentor, sent me articles about case study research. In reading those, I was able to understand the purpose of a case study, which is to explore the uniqueness of a single case and to articulate the distinctions between multiple cases. I was also made aware of the various factors to consider when designing my case studies and how I would observe myself within each of them. 

“The identification of research questions or issues, the overall methodology, specific methods that will provide relevant data to inform the questions, criteria for choice of participants and ethical procedures to ensure participants are treated fairly.” (Simons, 2009, p. 31)

 I read about the different methods of research within a case study, and planned accordingly to use both qualitative and quantitative research methods. These methods include: rehearsal and show photographs, discovery analysis, character work, rehearsal notes/reports, interviews with other artists in the industry, watching round table talks with high profile actors and directors, and utilizing action research and reflective analysis in and out of the rehearsal room. Also, not only did I explore my own research question, I got to explore my research question inside of the IRP question of the person whose project I was working on. 

For example, during All The Light, I was exploring how to create a character that upheld Amber’s research question: How do we bring the interior to the exterior? 

• How do we stage emotion? 

• How do I as an actor create a character that explores the balance between mental and physical embodiment? 

“... It is equally clear, however, when the actor allows a particular kind of shifting balance, or dialogue, between body and mind, in listening to and watching for the emerging form, the emerging image, and is able, moment to moment, to come into alignment with it. In such a case, there is a perceptible quality of 'presence,' moment to moment within the process of change and transformation. (D. Hulton 2000:160-161)” (Daboo, 2013, p. 192)

A bit after rehearsals for All The Light started, On The Nose began. I was jumping rapidly back and forth between characters and rehearsals. There was a two week period in which Jonah and I had rehearsals for All the Light from 10am-4pm, then had rehearsal for On The Nose from 4pm-9pm every day. It was exhausting and exhilarating, and difficult to find time to actively reflect in the moment. It was a challenging endeavor, trying to explore multiple processes at once, but allowed me a tight framework in which to analyze and dissect my acting process. I will touch upon my case studies here in this overview, but there is more in-depth information, thoughts and analysis, as well as videos, show photographs, rehearsal notes, character work, writing pieces, voicenotes, and more on the pages for each case study.

Ultimately, as I immersed myself in this process, the question I was being asked and answered became clear: How do reflective practice, methodology, and action research come together to help create/embody a character while working in collaborative processes?

The first case study of this research project is All The Light That Passes Through (sometimes referred to as All The Light or ATL). The full case study review contains an in-depth exploration and analysis of the pre-rehearsal and rehearsal process within this specific devised piece, with a director asking a very specific question. Briefly mentioned above, Amber Medway’s IRP asked the question: How do we bring the interior to the exterior? How do we stage emotion? And observed it through a queer, exploratory lens? This section is a summary of my experience as well as a synthesis of a primary takeaway to continue growing my process and practice. 

"A devised theatre product is work that has emerged from and been generated by a group of people working in collaboration." (Oddey 1994) (Mahoney, 2013, p. 145) 

My opinion on devising goes back and forth. Some days I love it. I love the creative freedom it provides me as an artist, I love being able to collaborate with my peers, I love coming together and sharing what we’ve worked on in a corner by ourselves. I love stringing them together to create a small piece, and threading it into the finished product. I love being able to play and mold things and capture the story of the moment and the people in the room. However, some days I would prefer the prescriptive, albeit limiting, approach: the director’s vision is “the law.” This approach is focused, with precise, specific non-negotiable blocking, hitting my mark, and reciting lines. Some might argue that such structure is antithetical to the creative process, but that approach was how I was introduced to theatre, how I was trained. I find comfort in the familiarity of prescriptive, analytical, and intellectually heavy processes. 

In the reflections I’ve done over the past few months, I realized that for most of my training and career I have preferred to do things that are in the actor’s headspace rather than the actor’s body space such as table work, character work, script analysis, background research. Embodiment had never been a priority for me because my training taught me that if I knew the lines and knew the emotions of the scene and my objectives, the body part would come naturally. 

Upon reflection, I realized I have been stuck for too long trying to enter a character via the narrow lens of intellectual and emotional analysis. Experiencing the last two years of this program and being exposed to multiple schools of thought, such as in-depth Viewpoints work, five weeks of rigorous Stanislavsky training, Alexander Technique, Laban, Lecoq, and Suzuki, have widened my perspective as I discovered richer and more holistic approaches to investigating character. 

I was excited to work on this piece with Amber, as well as Jonah Fried and Ioana Pitic, fellow collaborators for All The Light. Having just come out of the adaptation/viewpoint-led adventure that was ITPP’s final group project, an adaptation of Vanity Fair by Kate Hamill at Toynbee Studios, I was looking forward to working on another project based on collaboration and physical exploration. Devising is stimulating because it is a never ending exercise in storytelling, problem solving, and world building.

(See Ensemble Building in the Asides & Acknowledgements section)

Embodiment

Upon review of my rehearsal notes, the performance, the post-show discussion, and the many other aspects of the All The Light That Passes Through project, the main theme that stands out to me is EMBODIMENT. Embodiment in the sense that as an actor you feel completely connected, mind and body, to your character and to the circumstances you’re living in. At the start of All The Light, I was coming off of a very physically demanding piece and was excited to take what I learned and apply it to building a character. I found through this process a rich and deep connection to my character by simultaneously exploring her mentally and physically. It was exciting for me to see the combination of my different trainings, physical and intellectual, blending and working together to guide me and hold me up throughout the experience. ATL provided many opportunities for me to apply my training and to really observe and take in what works for me and what doesn’t. I had my biggest discoveries during exercises and scenes that explored the physical and the mental at the same time. 

Consistent reflection practice and documentation allowed me to see how my process was changing as an actor, how it was shaped and molded by the project itself, and how I felt I had progressed. I could see the things I would take with me to my next projects. I know now that in order to achieve full embodiment of a character it is important for my process to always be curious, constantly reflect, and ask questions about my character. The more curious I am about every part of the character, what she is feeling, how she moves, who she trusts, what her gestures are, etc., the deeper I can settle into the character and trust the invisible work to let me live in the moment during performance. 

Embodiment also helps build trust within an ensemble. Once it was clear we were all entirely committed to our characters, we felt more at ease with each other on stage. We knew we could trust in one another for support if we faltered; not just during the rehearsal process, but during the performance. 

The premiere example of the strength of connection via embodiment came after our final dress rehearsal. We ran it an hour before curtain and it left me feeling shaky, as we had all been low energy and in our heads during the run. I went backstage for places and found comfort in reexamining my connection to the character. I knew that if I embraced my character, it would help my fellow actors embrace theirs. Together, it would push us into harmony as an ensemble, into embracing our own characters and that of each other’s to connect in a special way on stage.

It worked. We were connected emotionally to each other during the show. Not just to each other, but our characters reached out and drew in our audience as well. They laughed with us. They cried with us. For the 45 minutes we were on that stage, we lived in the piece, and fully embodied the story. In the moment, and afterwards in reflection, this felt like an instance of using embodiment to put on a remarkable performance. We began with a Charles Dickens’ story. We ended up with an exploration of queerness, reality, memory, and how they weave together to create the story of a family. In the end, we connected to our characters, we connected to the story, and we all were part of something special.

The second case study of my Independent Research Project is another IRP presentation. A clown show, On The Nose, written by Jonah Fried. It is the second portion of my three IRP case studies, one that explores a work in progress, first sharing of a script. The full case study review contains an in-depth exploration and analysis of the pre-rehearsal and rehearsal process, and post-show analysis about this specific published piece, with a writer asking a very specific question. Jonah’s IRP asked the question, “How do we stage queer identity?" This section is a summary of my experience as well as a synthesis of a primary takeaway to continue growing my process and practice. 

“Be A Clown, Be A Clown,

All The World Loves A Clown.” 

- Be A Clown, song by Gene Kelly

I have had many opportunities to be a part of works in development before as an actor. I find them stimulating and challenging. I have always appreciated the opportunity to work with the writer, coming together to create an authentically informed character. My first opportunity to participate in new works was as an undergraduate at The University of North Texas. I was in an ensemble, performing excerpts from plays and scenes written by student playwrights for their playwriting class. During the first year of my master’s program, I participated twice, once per semester, in the Playwrights and Librettists week at The National Theatre Institute, Eugene O’Neill Theatre Center. 

However, this project was different. It required much less analysis from me as an actor. In many ways this was liberating because I was able to turn off my analytical brain and turn on my clowning one. I knew that by fully allowing myself to have fun -not focus on documentation or analyze every rehearsal- I would be more free to contribute to my character. This is the case study I have the least amount of documentation for, because every rehearsal was spent on our feet, tracking our movements, playing with different comedy bits, and bringing our characters fully to life. We took time to find our individual clown walk and states of being which helped bring out answers about Dorothy’s personality. She was heavy footed, focused, unbound, aware of the space she took up, and focused on her goals. She felt content in her identity- opposite to Buddy- and free to be herself. She could not understand why Buddy did not share that contentment. Being Dorothy in this project felt very comforting. That was partly due to the atmosphere we created and the all queer team. But mostly, it was due to a rehearsal process I am familiar with. One that challenged me, acting and delivery-wise, but let me truly flourish and be comfortable knowing rehearsals would be about playing and finding a solid physical comedy structure for the show. This varies from my previous intellectual approach, as I had all the opportunities in the world to experiment with the humor of the show without worrying about adapting and evolving the script.

As much as I value what I learned from the other two case studies, it was really comforting to have this process to fall back on. I knew rehearsals were a time for joy, for entertaining the imaginary audience, and to make unserious choices. Compared to All The Light and The Pillowman, On The Nose was my breath of fresh air. I was able to experience this fun, consistently structured rehearsal process with no expectation for me to come up with content. As a theatre-maker, I love creating characters and building shows. But as an actor first, having worked mostly devising projects for the last two years, it was great to just receive a script and then play with blocking and a character who had already been created. Also, working directly across from the writer of the piece was significant because I could “fact-check” my character choices, and try to build my character with the playwright’s original intentions in mind. 

(See Queerness in the Asides & Acknowledgements section)

Joy

My chosen theme for this project is JOY. The enjoyment of creation, of exploration, of originating a character, of immersion in a project that is seeking to stage joy. To rehearse for discovery’s sake, not just for the performance. In reading back through my notes while reviewing this project, what stood out the most is the amount of times I mentioned having fun in rehearsals and the unrelentingly positive energy. The fact that I have the least amount of documentation for this project, I believe, attests to the amount of fun we were having and how being thoughtless in the moment can be the right approach in certain circumstances. I want to take that memory of enjoying pieces in the moment with me, to remind myself to reach for happiness and joy rather than being immersed in stress regarding the final product.

In one of the interviews, an interviewee shared a part of their practice that stuck with me. I used it occasionally during On The Nose, and I would like to keep using it in the future. For them, it was important to always come into the rehearsal space focused on a positive mentality for the day. They created a notebook full of bright words to center this positive mentality around: love, ambition, joy, and imagination. They picked one every day, bringing it as a mental centerpiece into the rehearsal space. I thought this was beautiful; it immediately jumpstarts a positive, focused outlook in both the actor’s headspace and the rehearsal space as a whole. 

It was important for me to investigate how my inner clown would shift and change my approach to building a character, therefore I had to suppress my inherent urges to intellectualize the process. I wanted to see how she would shift and change organically, without a purposefully guiding hand. How could I represent my inner clown and joy through Dorothy? The exercises we did in rehearsals, including physical communications and communal warm-up games, all contributed to an environment that cultivated joy and happy discoveries. It reminded me how much I love clowning. It reinforced to me how important silly shows, shows that make me laugh, are to my artistry and process both.

The third and final case study of my Independent Research Project is a character exploration of The Pillowman by Martin McDonagh. It is the portion of my three IRP case studies that explores a published play (an established character). This case study review contains an in-depth exploration and analysis of the pre-rehearsal and rehearsal process, and post-show analysis about this specific published piece, with a director asking a very specific question. 

“I was a good writer. It was all I ever wanted to be. And I was. And I was.” 

• The Pillowman by Martin McDonagh

Choosing The Pillowman as my final case study was easy. I knew I wanted to do a one-woman show, and I find myself drawn to exploring horror in theatre. I asked Neha Hemachandra, another Rose Bruford CDP MFA student, to direct. She directed an adaptation of The Pillowman in the previous semester, which I attended. I thought that it would be a good script for us to look at. 

Originally, when I considered doing a one-woman adaptation for this project, I was ambitious, wanting to tackle the piece through the lenses of multiple characters. I was excited by the diverse personalities presented within The Pillowman, and inspired by many different one-person adaptations, including Picture of Dorian Gray starring Sarah Snook and Vanya starring Andrew Scott, to do something similar. Neha and I discussed the type of story we wanted to tell and what questions we wanted to ask.

We landed upon the question: How do we showcase a descent into madness?

From there, we created a rough draft of a structure from cuts of the script we thought would serve our exploration. Due to personal scheduling issues, illness, and rehearsal space scheduling changes, we decided to go with exploring the singular main character of the piece, Katurian, rather than try to do multiple characters.

We adjusted our previous question to better reflect the new structure and goals: How do we show the effects of isolation on Katurian’s mind? 

Our rehearsals together were brief but beneficial and enlightening. I have never done a one-woman show before, the closest was a two-hander. Working mostly alone, not having a partner on stage to exchange energy with was quite difficult. The drain of keeping a high energy space was constant, motivation to run things by myself often tried to slip through my fingers, and creating a well-rounded character was tough sledding without someone to give an outside perspective. Faced with these obstacles, I adapted. I came up with my own methods of generating and sustaining energy in a solo practice. I am curious to see how I fare in a longer solo process, but for my first foray into this type of performance, I felt like two weeks was a good amount of time. It was a challenge in judgment-free self-observation, forcing myself to stick to self-established rehearsal frameworks, and reminding myself to stay open and play even though I was alone. I would often be filming videos for Neha and feel myself judging what I was presenting in front of the camera, and would have to pause to remind myself that the documentation was part of the process, and it didn’t need to be perfect right away. 

Holding myself responsible is something I have brought to processes previously, but this project was a good reminder of how important self-discipline is to my own process. Maintaining constant discipline and constant curiosity requires close examination of how I operate and how I can best self-motivate.

The play we worked with (The Pillowman) helped to support my process of solo work rather than working in an ensemble. We curated and adapted our own script to cater to a single person performance, but our question on exploring the effects of isolation on a character’s mind, was able to be investigated in the most extreme circumstances within this material because I myself was isolated almost entirely throughout the process. Synthesizing a primary finding from this piece was difficult. I felt, despite the compressed timeline of this project, it was one of the most fruitful. It facilitated a great deal of beneficial explorations and rewarding discoveries in how to grow a character and maintain a sustainable process under unusual conditions. 

Rigour 

The prevailing theme for this case study is RIGOUR in reflective practice and documentation. This project required reflection and articulation of sensations I had not explored within any prior project. It is unlikely I will always need such extensive articulation in the future, but having all this invisible work and clear journaling of my thoughts throughout the process is extremely valuable to me when I look back at what worked best at how I build my characters. This rigour in my reflective practice and documentation of a project is something I want to bring with me to other processes.

At the same time, the rigour demanded by the entire project being compressed into such a short time frame allowed me to place myself in a pressure-cooker, one which squeezed a version of Katurian out that would not have been there without the pressure and rigour. Of course, having more time would have been great, but it was exciting and I felt ambitious, knowing I only had seven rehearsals to crack open Katurian’s mind, following his journey into madness. 

I set out with this piece to explore and observe how learning a one-woman show, while exploring multiple characters, would change my process. Reality required me to narrow my focus to a singular character, which produced valuable shifts in my practice and process. The most applicable in this performance, and one I want to continue to use in future pieces, was the 24 hour exercise - going through 24 hours in a day as your character, not in real time. While the actor walks through the character’s day in the space, the director or facilitator calls out times to go through the day in various increments of time. In my pre-rehearsal practices, this exercise helped me establish a firmer grasp on the crux of the characters I portrayed. I found those exercises to be immensely helpful for me in building a character’s journey, through embodiment and connection to the work itself, and the character’s place within. I want to continue to actively reflect within processes, articulating the feelings and journeys my characters experience. This project emphasized the importance of regimen, follow-through, and accountability within an actor’s process. I am adding this tool to my actor’s toolbox, using it alongside others to continue honing my reflective practice as an artist.